Balancing Act

Have you ever had the feeling like maybe, you are walking a tight rope, trying to balance yourself the whole way? Well that would mean for the past month we've been in the same place. For the past month, it feels like I've been precariously balancing on a thin tight rope. Between balancing school, working two jobs, and trying to keep up with people and things in my personal life, I haven't been able to do the two things that I love: reading, and even more importantly, writing.

Sure, I have been writing essays for my Advanced Composition class, plus short stories for my Creative Writing: Narrative and Advanced Creative Writing: Narrative classes, but I haven't been able to work on my one true love: my Falling Series. But all of that changed tonight when I opened up Scrivener and started working on Chapter Three of BOOK TWO. It was rough at first. I'm not going to lie about that. But then, it wasn't.

I think my problem boiled down to two pretty simple things. 1.) I was over thinking the writing instead of letting the characters just talk to me. I haven't spoken with them in so long that I suppose I forgot how smart they are, and what good instincts they have when it comes to their story. 2.) I was trying to make the writing perfect. There's that word again. This word haunts me each day, because I am a perfectionist. It drives me crazy when I can't make things perfect. I suppose what I needed to be reminded of (by my best friend in the Chicago airport!) was that if I forced the writing and tried to make it perfect than it would be "shit." And you know what, he's absolutely right!

Somewhere in the past month of people asking me about BOOK ONE and asking about BOOK TWO, I forgot the beauty of a first draft. I forgot that for right now, my eyes are the only ones, which will see what I am working on. I forgot that it's okay if the writing is awful, because I have the power to go back and fix it. And somewhere along the way, it must've clicked, because Chapter 3 is 11 pages and Chapter 4 is well on its way to being finished.

So what does this have to do with balance?

I think it all boils down to the fact that I have let my life get out of balance. It feels like I am tired (all of the time) and stressed (the majority of the time) and I wasn't quite sure what I could do to restore that much needed balance. Little did I know I just needed to relax, make a TO DO list, talk to my best friend, and write again.

It was that simple.

I hope I remember this when things get stressful and it feels like I don't have any time or any balance for that matter. So hello, future Kayla, remember to stop, and write. I have to say, and I hope you won't tell anyone, that sometimes I feel just as broken and lonely as my characters. Sometimes I just want to shut the world out and crawl into myself like an origami paper crane. And sometimes, I'm not sure what to do about it. But the fact of the matter is that all I really have to do is write.

For the longest time, I worked towards things, and sure I accomplished most of them, but finishing this book was the greatest feeling I've ever had. I did it. All by myself. And sure, it's not published…yet. But I know it will be someday, because there are people who believe in it just as much as I do. And because it's almost that time of year, I am so thankful for them.

To my mom and Justin, who I want to love this story just as much as I did. To Grant and Jill, who hate to read; I'd love to change that with this story. For Tony who can't wait to see this published and has no doubts about my future as a published author. To my BETA readers, the people who read this first and...gasp...actually liked it, I'm thrilled that I could finally share my book with you. And last, but not least, here's a shoutout to me, because I want to make my dream come true, and more than anything I just want to write. And if it turns out I am out of balance again, I hope I can remember this so that I can finish that walk on the tight rope and jump to safety.

The Perks of Being Organized: Part Two

As I mentioned earlier, I have a few things I use to keep me organized. The first and most important is THE binder.  In the binder, I have created nine sections: General Information, Character Sketches, Book One, Book Two, Book Three, Book Four, Book Five, Writing, and Notes. In the first section, I have the groupings of the world, a list of casualties throughout the series, and a playlist of songs, which inspire me when I write. 

The first and most important is THE binder.  In the binder, I have created nine sections: General Information, Character Sketches, Book One, Book Two, Book Three, Book Four, Book Five, Writing, and Notes. In the first section, I have the groupings of the world, a list of casualties throughout the series, and a playlist of songs, which inspire me when I write. 

The second section has genealogical charts, a timeline, and of course, all of the character sketches for everyone mentioned through the course of the series. 

The next sections are completely devoted to each of the books. The first two books have been plotted out chapter by chapter. This allows me to move things around if I don't like how the events are progressing. Since my series begins from five different points of view, this is especially helpful. After finishing BOOK ONE, I found it easier to do intense plotting book by book, because sometimes, despite my careful planning, things change. My characters tend to have minds of their own.  In all five sections, however, I have everything from sketches to floor plans and notes about how certain scenes will eventually play out.

The next section is a writing section. I have a copy of the original 2009 (14 pg.) manuscript as well as the first six chapters from my freshman year of college. While I have two other manuscripts, the one completed in June and the one with the newest round of edits as well, I don't have room for them in this binder as that is close to 600 pieces of paper!

The last section is the notes section, in which I have rough drafts of notes (I save everything). When I feel like I no longer need them, they will be transported to the box.

I started this box a few months ago because the note section of the Binder was getting out of hand. Currently in the box, I have the June manuscript, the majority of my notes, chapter sketches, and anything else that is pertinent to the series. I also have maps (both real and imagined), the notebook, and a leaf with a T on it, which is important, I promise.

Starting this box was one of the best things I ever did in keeping less used things in an accessible place. As I mentioned in Part One of this post, the notebook is one of my other organization tools. My first notebook was from my trip to England where I was supposed to keep a journal, but I'm not very good at keeping up with those. So it turned into book use instead. In here I have very random notes. Once it was filled, it took me days to sort out. That is now in the box, and I've started a new notebook that has sections labeled per book ( a lot of these notes come from the note section on my phone, old envelopes, random scraps of paper, which are transferred here, and then, if possible, stored in the Box).

I have finally created a book board, something I've been waning to do since I finished BOOK ONE. Because today was a Writing Wednesday, I finally had time to put the board together. I started with a piece of foam board, making all the necessary labels for each book. Next I placed a pink post-it next to it to keep track of all the POV's per book. After that, there are larger post-its, which I used to write the five biggest things that happen or drive the plot of each book.

I left space around and beneath those for smaller post-its, which I've written small things that are going to happen, or that need to happen in order for other events to make sense. It's not completely filled yet, and this is good, because it's a working board that will change and grow as the series changes and evolves.

I don't know if I'm crazy for creating all these ways to organize the important information, but this is the way I've been able to wade through the writing process and come out with a story I've loved to read as much as I've loved writing!

The Perks of Being Organized: Part One

I just took a quick look at my title and thought hmm...that sounds familiar. It probably has something to do with the fact that I am going to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower this weekend. In any case, I know all about those perks, but the ones I'd like to discuss today are about the perks of being organized.

I have always considered myself an organized person. And when it comes to the Falling series, it's like my organizational tendencies have become more precise than ever.

Before I started work on BOOK ONE last year, I gave myself a week to organize my notes and thoughts instead of jumping right in to the writing process. As I've said previously, such a delay might have had something to do with my fear of starting this project, but it also had much to do with the fact that I like order. Not chaos.

I am a total perfectionist, which has been the hardest thing to overcome in writing this series, because too often I get caught up in making something perfect right away, and in the process, all I do is stress myself out. Even now, as I look at the book board I made today (I'll get to that in part two), the fact that the colors are out of order kind of maddens me, but I digress. Through the past year, I have had to find my own way of organization for the Falling Series. Some things have worked, and other things didn't. I'm not sure how other people tackle this arduous process, but for me, I had to discover that I was a visual learner, and to keep this in the back of my mind at all times.

What does this mean?

Well, for me, this means I need to see things planned out: sketched, written, and plotted for complete understanding. Until then, it's just a bunch of weird scenes or images, which might flash through my head. I began with a binder. THE binder. Without which, I'm not sure how successful I would be telling this story. After the binder, came the notebook and after the notebook was filled, then came the box. I've been using these items for the past year, but upon starting BOOK TWO, I added a few more things to my organizational arsenal. I have created a bigger map of my world to use for reference. Plus I've added proper plotting (with color coded post-its, of course). And today, I finished my book board, which is what prompted me to write all of this down here.

You might be wondering: what are the actual perks of being organized? 

For me, the perks of being organized have happened at the most unexpected times. During my day to day writing process, I can usually remember specific things that are pertinent to the chapters I'm working on. But occasionally, (as I have found with starting the second book), I have to introduce things I know will be important later on. This is where the biggest perk of being organized comes into play. Because I have basically plotted out the big things in the series, I have what I need to reference something such as a bracelet, which will become important in BOOK FIVE. I can go to that section in the binder, and reference how it looks to use in the first book to ensure later on that the reader will understand.

While this is the most important perk I've found so far, there are others. For one, people don't think I'm a hoarder, and that is because I cleverly hide all the evidence in color coded tab dividers and fancy boxes. Another perk would be the convenience of knowing I have everything I need in one place so if I ever need to move my home office (my couch) with me, it's fairly easy to do. Want to know exactly how my arsenal of organization works? Check out The Perks of Being Organized: Part Two!

To Be Continued...

The Magic of Letting Go

For the most part, I absolutely love my characters. Even the villains. Actually, there are times when I find myself more interested in their backstories than my main characters.' I know this probably sounds strange, and that is the main reason why I'm saying it.

To the outside reader, these people may at first seem seeped in the bad, but I know why they've become dark, what they are willing and unwilling to do; the nature of their moral fiber.

Putting such thoughts aside, I do think it's important to note that I've struggled with two minor characters for the past few months, and I've finally made an important decision. These two problematic characters have been discontinued.

This may sound harsh, or perhaps it might even sound like I am giving up.

For those of you out there who are writers, I hope this post may help you. I want you to understand that yes, this is harsh, and yes, in a way, I did kind of give up. Just to add a little clarity to this situation, there are currently 45 characters who exist in my world. Not all of them are active or quite alive just yet, but they are somewhat pertinent to the story.

In this respect, I don't feel like I'm quitting by abandoning characters from my story. Now that I am working on the second book, it stands to reason that if someone hasn't found their place, they may not fit. This is something I wish I would've discovered earlier into my writing process, but what I have discovered with this series is that I'm learning along the way. If I'd read something like this somewhere else, I'm not sure I would've listened. I'm certainly not going to say others out there should listen to me. My hope is, however, is that by documenting it here, I will remember this lesson, and remember that I am still learning. And that's the magic of writing. 

Seeking Inspiration

I'm not sure if this goes for other people who find words follow them everywhere they go, but for me, half the writing process seems to be finding things, which inspire me.

Now much of the time, my characters inspire me by telling me their stories in the dead of the night. Other times, it might be the smell of fresh-brewed coffee, a conversation overheard while waiting in line, an old song playing on the radio, and sometimes, other pieces of literature. I never know when something might flip a switch in my brain, but somehow, it's there. While I'm driving. In the shower. Listening to boring lectures on Western Civilizations. And most often, in the few minutes before I'm about to fall asleep--i.e. the most inopportune times. And yet, I am able to find (or rather stumble upon) things, which inspire me to fall into a world much different than the one I usually inhabit; a world I absolutely love!

Today I decided I would try finding something to inspire me, because I wanted to figure out a piece of the puzzle, which will be extremely important in Book 4. Of course I had an idea what would happen, but after sifting through what I already had in my head, I did a quick Google refresher, and just by doing this, everything I needed appeared. Needless to say, these kinds of experiences are strange, and make me a more productive writer. I'm so happy I finally have a documented process of how things are going to progress and unfold so my frazzled mind feels a little less crazed, and more at ease. 

I guess the lesson in today's experience is to look at the simple things. Instead of constantly waiting for a brilliant idea to strike, do something that inspires you. Go to an art museum, flip through a magazine, read a book, watch popcorn in the microwave. Whatever it is, let go, and see where your mind takes you.

Facing Fear

Today I was sitting in one of my three writing classes and all I could think about was my own book. This is not unusual as most times during the day I find myself thinking of something from the world I have created. But today, my thoughts drifted toward a place of wishing that I could share my book with my writing peers.

Alas, there comes the age old fear that my book is not good enough and by instant correlation, that would mean I am not good enough as a writer.

In an email sent by a fellow student whose work I had to respond to today, she said she felt like the underdog of the class, like her writing was not good enough. Now I would not include such admissions in the emails of my work, but it seems there is this underlying fear in all of us. And if this is true, when does this fear ever go away? Does this fear ever go away? Am I going against the grain by saying that I have these secret fears, or am I like the majority of writers who toil away over a piece of their work, worrying that all the sleepless nights have in fact, equated to nothing? 

I hate these questions.

Usually, I am all about questions. Wondering has been the driving force behind not only the Falling series, but my other writing as well. Somehow, my ability in crafting this book has been in posing questions for myself, and then finding the answers I needed to continue on with the story. And yet, I have these other questions and there doesn't seem to be any real answers. I have looked at advice for writers on Veronica Roth's blog, Ellen Hopkins' website, and countless other authors that I admire and yet, no one experience is the same, and perhaps it is in this that I can find some comfort.

Granted, I have finished the book, but it took close to two and a half years to actually write it. That isn't even counting the three rounds of revisions I have finished, nor the countless other nights that will be spent to make my first book into something that I deem perfect. I know that eventually my fear will have to fade. I guess I hope that by admitting the fact that I am somewhat scared of what people will think of this, perhaps I can throw this to the wind like a red balloon and watch it float higher and higher until it is out of sight, out of mind. 

Author's Note

Dear Reader,                                                                               

Here is the story of Falling Through as chronologically factual as I can remember.

The Beginning:

Almost three years ago I was sitting in a classroom with my fellow seniors. The class was Experimental Writing, and with the exception of one or two other people, I was the only one who enjoyed writing. I had been writing poetry for five years, even used a few of those poems for the class. But I'd never written real fiction until this class.

As soon as I started working on flash fiction pieces, I fell in love with the written word all over again. So when the teacher gave us the freedom to create our own project I thought, that sounds like fun. I liked to write, even seemed to be somewhat good at writing, so I thought it would be easy to come up with an idea. 

The amazing thing was that I didn’t have to come up with an idea on my own. My best friend leaned across his desk, mentioning something about a story involving fairytales, about fairytale characters, perhaps. I immediately started getting ideas about all the stories I'd loved as a child. I knew I wanted the final project to be an actual storybook, pictures and all, yet I waited until the last minute to write the story. Being an extreme case of human procrastination, I had a slight notion as to how I was actually going to conquer this idea, but in waiting to the final moment, it transformed into something I hadn't expected. "Falling" turned into something I actually liked.

I handed the project in, all fourteen, single-spaced pages of my short story, and I received a 100%. Perfect score. Imperfect story. Fast forward to the end of the year. To graduation. To pictures with aforementioned best friend. To a really long plane ride across the ocean to England with said best friend, and an incredible trip abroad. From there, I wrote one poem and some essays, but this story, the one you might someday hold in your hand, it was buried deep in my brain, and I had no intentions of ever digging it back up. 

I was going to be an interior designer instead.

It was the plan. 

Interior design was something I had planned for from middle school onward but writing…writing was a passion, which came naturally. Writing was something I'd always done.  It helped me get through the difficult things. (Well writing, mixed with Time, and a best friend, the same best friend previously mentioned.) So I felt I owed quite a bit to writing, to the art and craft of writing, to my own writing. Imagine my surprise when the thing I thought I feared, the decision I never thought I could make, felt easy. You see, after about two weeks at college, I loaded a fresh document in Microsoft Word before restarting a story. THE story. The one I hope you will see on a bookshelf someday. I finished the first three chapters, and then stopped to pick up another project. The funny thing is, I never gave up hope for this story. It sat in a binder labeled BOOK as it didn’t have a title at the time, and the entirety of this magical world stayed dormant until October 2011. 

The middle:

October 2011 was a rather boring month of the fall semester. I still hadn’t been admitted into the Writing major just yet. I wasn’t taking any writing classes. So I was thinking what is the point? I was taking a Literary Analysis class, Sociology, British Literature part deux, and Intro. to Math. The closest thing to my kind of writing was an essay about The Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston. Imagine my surprise when one day, bored to death in my Brit. Lit. class, it was there, a seedling of an idea; instantaneous. And from there, for the next three weeks, I took pages and pages of notes, researched Grimm’s Fairytales, translations of "Ring Around the Rosie," fleshed out characters, documented what will be five books worth of information, and created a name. A working title.

Around the third week of note taking, I decided it was time to get my thoughts organized. Looking back now, I think I needed an excuse not to start writing. It seemed scary, because for the first time, I didn’t feel like I was telling the story, but rather my characters were. I always thought it pure insanity, maybe even nonsensical when people would talk about how make-believe people would tell their own story. But somehow, they did. It is something you might only understand if it happens to you.

But I digress.

Out of fear or paranoia or whatever, it took me until the end of October to actually start writing. The first four chapters were fairly easy, because much of those pages grew out of my rough draft from the fall of 2010. After that, it was new, especially because my fifth character was a brand new addition. Nine months later, I finished a book, my book, my novel! I guess it is right in saying it feels like my child (nine months…get it?). So I will beg you to someday handle this story with care.

The end:

This is still unknown. The book is finished, and with several rounds of revisions under way, it is definitely much more grammatically correct. For the next few months, I will be polishing, and when aforementioned friend returns from Australia, we will sit and fix what's broken so that I can start sending this out to agents. And from there? Well, I guess I leave this to the hands of the literary gods in hopes that someday I will see this next to my Harry Potter books and my bright pink copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

I hope one day you enjoy reading this book as much as I enjoyed writing it. But I guess that is half the battle as a writer; truly enjoying your own book despite all the late nights, the revisions, the paper cuts, the timelines, genealogical charts, character sketches, maps, and the plethora of information that is only pertinent in your own head. But know this is the story I always wanted to write, and I suppose deep down this story always wanted to be written. It persevered through senior year of high school, a change of school and major, a change of title, and almost two years later, it is the story my best friend inspired me to write: a story about fairytales. 

I am leaving this story here so that one day when the memory becomes somewhat blurry, when the details are too difficult to remember, I can look back and say yes, that is how it happened. Until then, I can’t wait to fall through!