Overcoming Perfection

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with perfectionism. Too many people might say this isn’t a true difficulty at all. I suspect those are the same people who are free to move from one task to the next without paying any mind to the most intricate, and possibly inconsequential, details. Such is the burden of perfection.

Amidst this latest round of edits, I have made a conscious effort to to strive for progress, rather than perfection. All the while, I’ve kept sight of May 31st; the day I will embark back into the query trenches. This solid goal has been my beacon through it all, and it looks like it is one I will accomplish. That’s not to say it’s been easy, but worthy endeavors rarely are.

Back before the MFA, and even in my third semester of graduate school, I hated editing. I always preferred the thrill of a new idea, a blank page, drafting something into completeness. But now, I think I prefer the editing process. I like the toil and the immense satisfaction that comes from taking my own words and polishing them into something better.

It's taken me time to get here. There is a sense of madness in thinking back to those early days almost 5 years ago. But I wouldn’t change any of the challenges along this journey, because it really has been a battle to get this book to where it is today; almost ready to head back into the query trenches.

There has been goodness along the way, too. There have been friends who’ve fallen in love with my fictional world, and who continue to champion Camryn and her story from near and far away. And most recently, I had the opportunity to talk with a real life agent about the first page of DREAM CATCHERS on the Manuscript Academy Podcast!

So how was I chosen to take part in this conversation?

In November 2018, I sent the first page of the manuscript to the brilliant women at The Manuscript Academy. In April 2019, I received an email wondering if I would be willing to try something new. Up until this point, the First Pages Podcast series focused on the first page of a novel being discussed for 10 minutes without the author. Though there was one episode where they later spoke with the author of said page to see how the critique might’ve helped.

For my episode, I got to chat with Danielle Chiotti in real time, just like the consultations offered on the Manuscript Academy website. And to keep the discussion as authentic as possible, the final version only cut out some of the more extemporaneous pauses, keeping the integrity of those 10 minutes.

Leading up to the recording of the podcast, I will admit I was somewhat nervous. I knew other writers might listen to this in just the same voracious manner that I experienced the other podcast episodes. But there was also the sense of knowing that I would be speaking to an industry professional, accompanied by the small fear that I would have nothing intelligent to add to our conversation.

As soon as I got on the call, however, Danielle put any worry at ease with her kind words and bright spirit. If Lorelai Gilmore was a literary agent, she would be Danielle Chiotti. Throughout our conversation, she offered some crucial feedback that has helped immensely in this last round of edits. I even got to ask a few questions at the end that have made this first page everything it needed to be. Not only did I receive real feedback, but I was also left with the hope that someone believed in this story enough to pick the first page out of the pile. Along the way, it felt like unlocking the greater potential held within this novel and my writing. And now this final draft is almost ready to send out into the agenting world in the hopes I find not only representation, but a champion for my writing career.

Now that my podcast episode has officially made its way into the world, I’ve been working on completing my plan for this latest round of edits using my Archer & Olive Daily Planner to keep everything organized. There was an extra week of blank spaces this month, and I knew I needed to put them to good use. They’ve certainly served as a reminder to keep striving for progress.

1.) Plot and Outline

For this first part of the process, I took all the notes made in the bound copy of my manuscript and added them as comments into my Scrivener document. I also added my notes from my editing spreadsheet into the Document Notes section in Scrivener. The final piece of part one was similar to how I organize my writing in the Scrivener Binder. However, instead of using those index cards, I used real ones in various colors to plot out the story. While, yes, this book was complete, and yes, it did have a finished plot outline, I knew there were some parts that could be improved. For my color coding system I used 6 colors. Yellow became scenes including character moments with family and friends. Green became discovery and forward action in the story. Purple became mythology, while pink cards were for romantic relationships. Blue became dreams and the reaming white cards were used for any new scenes that needed to be added. From there, I wrote scene by scene, laid them out in their current order, and then reshuffled until I had the best version of this story.

2.) Write New Scenes

This part of the revisions has certainly been interesting. It’s been quite some time since I’ve drafted new material for this book. However, filling in troublesome scenes mentioned by BETA readers and doing the most with the characters I already have, has been such a joy. Maybe it’s because I thrive on the challenge of creating cohesion from chaos, but either way, this portion of the process is almost complete.

3.) Line Edits

After the new material is complete, I will be going through sentence by sentence, chapter by chapter, to clean up the writing, both past and present. This might be my favorite part of the editing process, while it can be rather tedious. There is something about moving sentences to create a varied structure or finding the best word to really unlock the meaning of a sentence that is so rewarding.

4.) Read + Read + Read + Read

Long ago, I learned the importance of reading my own work aloud, especially during the editing process. However, this time, instead of just reading it through to myself, I will be recording myself on Voice Memos, chapter by chapter, and listening back as an audiobook to ensure proper pacing and to get a better idea of how the story is working as a whole. I’m looking forward to this, because I think this will give a good indication of how this story is progressing.

5.) Literary Agents

While this part of the process is already half done, there is still a little bit of work to finish. Since I began the query process, I have had the agents I wanted to send my work to sorted into groups to assist with easier batches. I have the research for those agents already saved in a miscellaneous file. But, it’s been quite some time since I’ve updated the list. And in that time, there have been new agents entering into the literary world, recent additions to #MSWL YA on Twitter, and a better understanding of what I am looking for in an agent. All of that combined means I’ll need to do a bit more research before I begin the next round of queries. Along with organizing agent info in Scrivener, as previously discussed in a past post, I will also be organizing my “Agent Questions” document I have for hope that when I get “the call” from an agent, I will have everything I need.

6.) Query Materials

Once the edits are done, I will need to proofread the query (AGAIN) and update my synopsis. Next will be looking at my agent list to ensure I’m following their specific submission guidelines and that all materials are handled properly and included for QUERY DAY!

7.) Finish Line

I’m also calling this QUERY DAY, knowing that May 31st is quickly approaching. I will send out my query and materials to the agents and will then update my spreadsheet and information in Scrivener, possibly update Query Tracker, though I haven’t been as impressed with its capabilities in conjunction with my own tracking method. And then, dear reader, I will wait.

Until then, I know there might be a few more difficult days, maybe some where the writing and revision and editing all seems unmanageable. However, knowing that I'm not going in to make DREAM CATCHERS perfect, but rather, the best story it can be, will continue to help me make this dream of publication a reality.

Sure there has been rejection along the way, and this book has not always been easy to write. Too often, as writers, we find ourselves on the page without even trying, and that makes writing the hard scenes even more difficult. But it also makes them more rewarding. I love Camryn, and I believe her story is one that deserves to be told. At the end of the day, I think that's the best we get as writers. We break ourselves a little each time we put words on the page, but I've found that edits heal me a little bit, too. 

Whether you’re a writer in the midst of edits and queries or just someone with their own set of struggles, I hope you, too, will take comfort in knowing that progress beats perfection any day.

A Dream No One Can See

It’s become a tradition each year to choose a word that will carry me through 365 days. There has been CREATE, BELIEVE, BETTER, and last year, there was PERSEVERANCE. And persevere I did. Through 164 literary magazine submissions, 133 rejections (query trenches included) and 16 pieces accepted, including my debut collection of poetry, These Are the Women We Write About, I’d like to think my own perseverance got me where I needed to be!

But now it’s a new year, which means a new word. Getting here, I once again was a bit paralyzed with fear that I might choose the wrong word. I suppose it’s become another of those superstitious writerly things that I cling to as the days move along. It wasn’t until Christmas preparations took over that I found my word, one which stuck in my bones and felt too perfect to pass up. I ordered three necklaces and a bracelet from The Giving Keys, because I truly love how they strive to help homeless people in L.A., all the while, reminding us of the power of words, and the magic of passing them on to someone else. If you haven’t heard of this company or their mission, I suggest checking them out as they create beautiful products with special meanings.

Yet, I digress. Upon purchasing these items, I was eligible for a complimentary “classic” key necklace, which would come with a surprise word and color and design. When it arrived, it brought a certain sense of knowing that I didn’t know I needed. My key said DREAM, and I’m not sure it could’ve been more perfect. And now, I have my word.

Dream.

Writing a novel about a world in which dreaming always means death, I have come to understand just how powerful dreams can be. I often dream too big and have said on more than one occasion that my ambition and penchant for dreaming bigger and better will be the death of me. But as a writer, I’m not so sure that’s a bad thing.

As I edit DREAM CATCHERS once more before diving back into the query trenches next month, I cling to the dream of seeing this book published someday. And it’s difficult, I must admit, to be back in this story. I joked that I can’t wait for this book to be on someone else’s shelf someday just so I won’t have to read it anymore. Because it hurts to read sometimes. I’ve exposed too much of myself between those pages, and perhaps this is what will help future readers fall in love with my writing and this story. But for now, it terrifies me to find myself back in that time and place again.

Such is the life of the writer, I suppose. If the words don’t hurt, if what is being written doesn’t scare the writer a little, I’m not sure the story is worth telling. So I’ll tinker with this story once more before sending it out to the next 10 agents on my list. And when I say this will be the year I make this dream no one else can see into a reality, I feel the truth of the words ring through my bones in the way that some of my most authentic writing does.

I’ll keep focusing on this dream. Instead of simply listing my goals for 2019, I’ve separated these things into goals and aspirations; the things I can personally attain versus the things I so dream of coming true. I am taking better care of myself, how I judge my failures and accomplishments, because I have succeeded, even in small ways, and that is worth remembering. And for that I am so proud of myself. Already I’ve had 2 poems accepted for publication, and January hasn’t yet ended.

But as I continue to risk everything: sanity, time, sleep, future stories, etc. for this dream of publishing DREAM CATCHERS, I know it is worth everything in between. And with this knowledge, I will continue to dream too big all the year through, and I hope you will too! To stay up to date with this journey beyond this blog, check out #dreamlikekaylaking on Instagram and Twitter!